Saturday, October 30, 2010

Take A Bite Of My Heart Tonight

If you noticed, my title is usually parts of a song. They don't have anything to do with how I feel or even relevant to the post. So yea, don't jump into conclusions too fast :D

Completing Ethics exam is like a minor freedom to us. For some reason, we (including myself) felt like we were on top of the world when we submitted the paper. Believe me, writing 3 pages about Darwin's Theory is very annoying. Ardipithecus Raminus, Australopthiscus Afarensis, Australapithecus Africanus, Homo Habilis, Homo Erectus and lastly, Homo Sapiens. And I did not even consult my notes! That's how much it's ingrained in my brain. For some amazing reason, I read the brain capacity once and it was immediately tattooed in my brain. How I wished that happened for my Biology and Chemistry studying sessions.

Looking at my Chemistry test results actually broke my heart. Well, not really but realising I lost 5 marks just because I (the smart ass I am) wrote sea of delocalised free moving ions instead of electrons. Since when are ions electrons?!

However Biology was a shocker. Although our lecturer said gene therapy would not be tested, we should have known that I would come out, contributing 4 marks to the whole paper. Maybe the 'read once' thingy happened to me that day and I just wrote some random nonsense about a liposome and harmless virus. Guess what? 4 marks baby! Now, if only it'll work again in our upcoming exam. *crosses fingers*

I would definitely permit you to say "Waa, Abigail very rajin to update hor?". Well, I'm feeling rather bored and what does Abigail do when she's bored? She writes about her feelings. Not. I think maybe I just rediscovered the joys of talking about something others wouldn't understand since I'm usually very vague in my posts. It's exhilarating!

I've decided to divide my week (since it's the study leave) into 3 parts. No wait, make that 4. Day 1- Math. Day 2 and 3- Biology. Day 4 and 5- Chemistry and Day 6- Statistics. And there you have it, my study timetable. Oh dang, I forgot about English. Yes, as much of an ass I sound like now, this is the first time I will be studying for English. Ever. So, wish me luck as I read my Critical Thinking book and hopefully I don't fall asleep.

Signing out,
om-nom-nom-nom

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Please Don't Be in Love With Someone Else

Two posts today!

I really love the song Enchanted and Haunted. I kid you not when I say I have it on loop on my player and it will be that way until I get bored of the song.

Anyway, I just completed my MINDS proposal and cover letter. I shouldn't be complaining or anything because all I did was just cut, copy and edit from the previous samples (which I'm sure the seniors did the same thing) but to get the new list of committee members, their student ID, contact number and editing the letter head is rather frustrating. On the bright side, I have practically every one's information in my pendrive. Yes, handphone number, e-mail, student ID, IC number and programme. And with this information, I shall rule the world. Muahahaha!

On a different note, I don't have classes tomorrow BUT I still have to go to college. This is the second time I don't have class on a Friday and I have to go to college. Ah, the things we do and sacrifice for our friends and for the greater good.

Oh, and you just wasted about 3 minutes of your precious time reading this filler post.

Signing out,
geniuses-unite!

Ps: I tried. It's up to you.
Pss: I understand why now

I Thought I Had You Figured Out

Being consistently surrounded by Taylor Swift friends *cough*freaks*cough*, I am very much influenced by them. I now have the complete Speak Now album in my laptop and I'm very much addicted to the song Back to December, Haunted (I prefer the acoustic version though) and Enchanted. The lyrics are just so qgurieqfbeqbfcjfbc!!! (speaking in gibberish because no words can actually describe how awesome the lyrics are)

Speaking of friends, my friends and I recorded a "music video", gossiped about Taylor Swift, gave each other Drag Queen names AND study Biology. No wait, we were discussing about Biology. Very enlightening indeed. I never thought genetics and gene therapy would be very interesting if not for "Humey", "Ligey" and other characters made up by another friends. Suddenly the word "probe" made more sense *sees the light*

Anyway, yesterday my laptop 'merajuk-ed'. It refused to turn on even though it worked fine the night before. So I did what any responsible adult would do. I called my dad :D He came back from work, picked up my laptop, went to get the warranty card, brought it to the repair centre and brought it back to me. All in about 3 hours or so.

Ethic Studies exam this Saturday. Wish me luck :D I may be very ethical (don't choke, it's true) but we need to know more than just being ethical but knowing about other religions, the purpose of life, where life comes from and other random questions we tend to ponder upon. Not. As much as I like learning about these things, I don't like sitting for an exam about something so subjective. I mean, isn't it up to a person's point of view? Even in Christianity, we have different schools of belief but in Ethics, we end up generalizing everything. I actually prefer to study Darwin's Theory compared to the creation of man based on different religions. Why? Simple. Darwinism is actually relatively easy to understand. Key words? Galapagos Island and finches. He basically proposed the idea that from simple organisms, they evolved to better organisms to adapt to their surroundings. It was another scientist that proposed that man evolved from apes. But somehow, Darwin is more popular that the other scientist. So popular, I don't even remember the other dude's name! That basically proves Darwin's popularity.

Finals are approaching and the library is actually quite full. Usually around this hour, it's quite deserted. But suddenly, every one's a nerd. Discussions flying around, books disappearing from the racks so quickly than the eye can catch and some random person throwing his/her notes in the air shouting "Ayeyai, me no comprendo!" Eh, wrong language. It's "Aiyoh, what does this lecturer's notes mean?!" Then there's the occasional student catching some Zs, be it head resting on the table, a makeshift bed out of chairs or even on the floor a-la homeless man. The library is now a safe haven, a refuge to soothe even the most freaked out student. I wonder if I actually meant that?

Blogging from college is actually very refreshing. Away from the sad environment of Akasial and horrible internet connection. It also gives one a new perspective. Maybe that is why my previous posts are all very dark and emo.

So, I shall leave you with a light note saying go listen to Taylor Swift's album, Speak Now and tell me your favorite song. A cookie for your thoughts :D


Signing out,
oh-noes, low battery

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dort gehen Sie macht mein Herz wieder zu schlagen

Have you ever tried admitting something?

It may be admitting you're wrong, admitting you're sorry, admitting you're in trouble, admitting you're hurt, admitting you're confused, admitting you don't understand.

It's hard isn't it?

However, the most overused word that I think has lost its importance is actually the words "I'm sorry".

Why?

Look at our own lives. We hit someone by accident or we accidentally take something that doesn't belong to us, we immediately blurt out "OMG, I'm so sorry". People take the words "I'm sorry" for granted. I know, I do it too. I'm not here to judge others but to point out my faults too.

To say the words "I'm sorry" when you know you've hurt someone is actually very hard to say. Even though in your heart, you feel remorse and an emotional turmoil and you know you have to apologise to someone, it's really hard to swallow our pride, go up to that particular person and say "I'm sorry I hurt you".

Instead, we take the easy way out.

We pretend everything is okay. We still smile and go on with life like nothing happened. You look at the person you've hurt and see they're still smiling at you. You instantly think "Hey, he/she didn't take my words seriously. We're cool now." Little do we know what's going on inside their minds.

Saying you're sorry doesn't make the pain go away. It doesn't turn back time and it most certainly does not make the scar vanish. It just makes the wound heal faster, scar less obvious and the pain go away.

I have a tendency of replaying my past conversations and I realise I've hurt many people through my words and actions. As much as I tell myself the words I say were unintentional or that I meant something else, that person must have been hurt.

I have plenty of regrets. Every time I replay a conversation, be in on MSN, through texts even face-to-face, I regret saying something or doing something that would inevitably hurt someone. I start thinking about how I could have made the conversation better, or how I should have said this instead of that. The worst part is that every single time, I let myself believe I did it subconsciously. Then when I finally realise the error of my ways, I fall. I fall so deep in my pit of despair and regret it takes me days to recover. People don't see this. In fact, once again I convince myself that putting on a mask would save everyone the trouble.

Admitting this is my way of dealing with this problem.

Signing out,
tasks-and-masks

Ps: This is not a random emo, teenage angst post. This is me dealing with my inner demons.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Season Greetings

*starts to panic, running around screaming "The Apocalypse is near!*

Yea, Finals are approaching. *dramatic sigh* Time to hit the books. But before that, update my poor baby. I should be charged by Social Security for neglecting my baby.

Jokes aside, time to get serious. No wait, when have I ever been serious? Okay, I'm am really at a lost as I have no idea how to start a simple blog post. The time has come where I know how to solve a complicated equation, set up a complicated experiment, complete a complicated Biology laboratory report, write a convincing essay about something that never existed and yet I can't think of a simple topic to talk about. Yes, the end is near.

On a lighter note, my friends have been kind enough to introduce me to nice songs as I am not one who goes in search of songs of any sort. So far, I've included Neon Trees and Sugarland into the list. Yay, more singing for me!

Just last night, I was online chatting with a close friend and we talked about the things we missed in Kuching and I realised I miss Kuching a lot even though I technically don't belong to Kuching.

It got me thinking, where on Earth am I from? It should be the easiest question to answer when one asks "So, where are you from?" Everytime someone asks me that question, I freeze. I'm unable to answer. Somehow, I manage to give them my million dollar smile, swallow and say "I'm from Kuching." Then I mentally smack myself on the head chastising myself "You're not from Kuching, you hobo! You're a nobody because you don't belong anywhere."

No, this is not an emo post. I'm just stating an obvious fact.

But don't worry, I love Kuching and consider it home no matter what the obvious is.

Signing out,
have-you-seen-the-lastest-Windows-Live-Messenger??

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Achtung

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I am taking (or took) up the German language. Just for the fun of it, of course. Nothing major.

The sad thing is now that Frou Maria is pregnant and her OBGYN appointment is on Thursdays, we don't have regular classes. Even when we do have class, we watch German movies.

The first German movie we watched was a romantic comedy called Barfuss, which means barefoot. If you like romantic comedies but can't stand the typical American ending, then this is definitely the movie for you. I absolutely love the tag line which basically translates to 'How far will you go for love'? This movie has a good dose of humour and the lines are absolutely hilarious, one of a kind. Two thumbs up for my first German movie.

The second one we watched is called Die Welle- The Wave. This movie has a slightly darker theme as a high school teacher decides to make his students understand fascism and dictatorship by 'experimenting' on them. The question in the first lesson was "Are we really that gullible in succumbing to dictatorship like in the days of Hitler". All students said that they're modern and they should be able to discern between right and wrong. When the teacher made them subconsciously aware of working as a unit, the students jumped right in the bandwagon. At first the students, irrespective of nerds, jocks, the popular and the bottom of the social hierarchy stuck together through thick and thin. However, things started spiralling out of control. This is where I leave you hanging wondering what happened *evil laugh*. If you want to watch it, be prepared for character death and mentions of dictatorship.

The last movie we recently watched is called NAPOLA- National Political Academy- a high school that produces Nazi elite. Another Nazi themed movie set in the 1940s. The main male character in this movie also had the spotlight in Die Welle. He plays a young boy, Freidrich Wiemer, who gets into this elite high school with a boxing scholarship (not really, but it's easier to understand if I put it that way). To get into this school, one must fulfill certain criterion. Among them are blonde hair, blue eyes, tall and strong. Sounds like Hitler's dream of creating the Aria race, no? Over his father's objection, Friedrich runs away from home and enrolls in the school. The movie basically highlights the struggles all boys in that school to come up to par with the Nazi's expectations that they kill the Jews mercilessly, among other things. Some have been brainwashed to think that they're doing this for a greater good but Friedrich and his friend Albrecht(the son of the headmaster in the school) saw that this was wrong. After a tragedy involving Albrecht (no, I won't tell you what happened to him), Friedrich decides that he cannot stay in that school anymore and deliberately gets himself expelled. Another very dark movie with character death. However, this movie is rather slow-paced as I went out for about an hour, resumed the movie after that and I still managed to understand the movie.

The next movie Frou Maria said she'd bring for us to watch is about the German concentration camps and basically revolving around the gassing chambers. I hope it's The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas. I can't wait :D

Signing out,
oh-noes-the-weekend-is-over

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Berries

The title has nothing to do with what this post is about. Typical me.

Anyhoo, I've been very busy. Doing what? you may ask. Well, 2 years in A-Levels is not a bed of roses. Yea we have 2 years which means that our course is stretched over a span of 24 months but we have all this nonsensical activities to supposedly 'fill our free time'. Now my question is, who said we even have free time to begin with?

The constant pressure to perform is overwhelming. The amount of topic tests, pop quiz, tutorials, past year papers not forgetting homework and assignments, everything under the sun, in fact.

This is just the surface. There's other things that our beloved college requires us to do. One of it is Ko-PLN. It's like extra curricular activities. Specially formulated for students going overseas, this activity really puts a toll on your sanity. Do they really think we have nothing else better to do on Wednesdays? The good news is that it's only for the first semester. Better news- the grand finale is on the 20th this month. A punch in the stomach- each group has to come up with a presentation. A shot through the heart- my group facilitator came up with the 'bright' idea to stage a musical. A slap across the face- I'm acting as a history teacher who moonlights as a witch.

This is my daily timetable. Wake up at 6.20am, whatnots and breakfast. Leave the place at 7.15am. Breakfast with the 'Nonjudgmental Breakfast Club'. Class at 8am. Break from 1-2pm. Continue class till 4pm. Stay back in library to study or do homework till 7pm. Take bus back, dinner, continue studying. Call it a day at 9.45pm. Go back to apartment, shower, laundry, continue with homework. Sleep at 12 or 1am. Cycle continues. Florence and the Machine got it wrong. The dog days are not gone. It's alive and well, thank you very much.

I'm supposed to be doing my Biology lab report now but I decided to take a break and do mindless activity- like Blogging and Facebooking. I'm pretty sure Facebook is now a verb.

If you must know, A-Levels Medicine (ALM) in college is full of drama. (By the way, realise I say 'college' instead of just putting the name of the college? This is because of safety reasons. My safety.) The drama I see can even put some soap operas to shame. If you're wondering if I'm part of the 'cast', rest assured that I'm merely a spectator. Guai kia, remember?

I was actually thinking of the time when I received my SPM results and when asked what are your future plans I said, "Marry a rich man".

It sounds like a very good option now.

Signing out,
is-hungry