W00tZ

5 May 2008

According to the latest RD mag (May edition), 'woot' means a cheer, like yipee or yahoo. This word is frequently used online. Okay, enough with the online jargon. Its time to learn new and unknown things. Like 'woot', it is just as amazing.

I found out about a type of disease most of us (excluding people who suffer from this disease) knows of. Its called Old House Delusion Desease (OHDD). Let me tell you about a man living with this disease.

"More than once I have had my brain crippled by what psychiatrists call OHDD. My wife and I bought a very old house that had every known problem, including termites, not to mention just one closet, and an entire room that had no electrical outlets- a clear indicationthe house was not built by or for people with a need for, say, lighting. Were we discouraged?

No! We thought it was quaint!

Here's how delusional we were. We had plumbing problems, and in an effort to fix a leak, some plumbing guys were crawling around under our house. They emerged holding crumbling, rolled-up newspapers, which they'd found wrapped around our pipes, apparently as insulation. We unwrapped on of the newspapers and found it was a Miami Herald from 1927.

So there we were, confronted with stark evidence that our pipes, in addition to leaking, were very old. Its like being aboard a boat in the middle of the Pacific and discovering that not only were you sinking, but also your hull was made entirely out of crakers.

How did we react to this horrible news? We were thrilled! It was so charming! The plumbers were also excited, but in their caseit was because they knew we were putting their children through Harvard.

OHDD is very powerful. Usually, when you buy an old house, you hire professional house inspectors. These inspectors are very thourough: They spend the whole day crawling around the house, and then they give you a detailed, written report, which says "Do not buy this house, you idiot!"

Not in so may words. The report breaks the house down by major defects, the sub-defects. The house, according to the report, consists entirely of defects. You read the report, but because of OHDD, none of it penetrates through your brain, even when the inspector warns you about serious problems.

INSPECTOR: I want to show you something in them living room...

YOU: Don't you love that room? It has such character! The moulding!

INSPECTOR: About the moulding- I want you to see this. (Takes out screwdriver and taps it
against the moulding. The moulding dissappears in a smokelike puff of wood particles. Then a large part of the wall collapses, leaving a gaping hole, through which can be seen, in the gloom, an exposed wire that emits a shower of sparks, illuminating a dripping pipe covered in green slime. A rat darts by, persued by what seems to be a boa constrictor.) [Btw, this is my favourite part]

YOU: Ha ha! These quirky old houses. That can be repaired, right?

INSPECTOR: Well, I suppose it could, if you're willing to....

YOU: I'm not worried about the cosmetic problems, as long as the house is structurally sound. (You stamp your foot on the floor to emphasise this point. It goes through the floor.)

INSPECTOR: Um, that's another thing. Your floor joists have been almost entirely eaten away.

YOU: (retracting your foot) Termites? No biggie! A lot of these old houses have termites! We can just have it treated by....

INSPECTOR: It's beavers. They're building a dam in the basement.

YOU: (silence)

INSPECTOR: I've never seen that before.

YOU: (recovering) Well, the kids have been wanting a pet!"
[I thought this guy would snap out of it after the beaver thing, but looks like he's fine with his kids getting rabbies]

I've never heard of this sickness and would never wish meet people like this. Haha. Looks like we've learned something new! Woot!

I've just updated my Windows Explorer. It looks so totally awesome! Woot! (Again)

And guess what? Add Math is over! Woot!

And now, its time for me to shut up and keep still to study for BM tomorrow. Sigh.. (Woot feeling no more)

Signing out,
The Owl
(The owl does not mean I'm smart, well, not in this context. Its the sound owls make- woot. Geddit?)